31 Aug 2012
Posted by Erica Buist 
Dearest friends, readers and travellers with a sex life. It seems you have some questions about ladyboys, Thailand’s elusive third sex. I have family in Thailand, and will be living there myself within a month, so I and my various sources will attempt to answer your questions.
What exactly is a ladyboy?
Ladyboy is a broad term – referred to as “ka-toi” in Thailand. From a gay man who walks or talks in a “feminine” way, to a transvestite, all the way through to a transsexual. Unlike in the West, these are not feelings first felt or admitted to around puberty – boys as young as 5 or 6 want skirts and dolls instead of pants and toy guns.
A ka-toi is not a gay man who has chosen to be a ladyboy. It is a catch-all term for a man who is gay, and more like a woman than a man.
Do they have a penis or not?
Most still have the “full set”, yes. However, many have had breast implants, and some have had a sex change operation.
What is their sexual orientation?
Ka-tois are what the West would define as gay, and almost always marry men who define themselves as straight.
How did ladyboy culture originate?
Ka-toi is not exactly a “culture”, any more than male or female is a culture. It is a third sex, and is accepted as such even in schools.
Being gay is widely accepted in Thailand, allowing ka-tois to dress, walk and talk as they please.
As many ka-tois are as feminine and as stunningly beautiful as any woman, it is often difficult to tell them apart. Suffice to say for every ladyboy who passes you in the street, there could easily have been ten others you didn’t notice at all. The “culture” is really no more than non-ka-tois’ obsession with what is in another person’s pants.
(Please feel free to comment below if we cannot tell from your name what is in your pants. We’re really very interested. Be as specific as possible, please.)
(I am, of course, joking.)
Roughly how many ladyboys are there in Thailand?
The official head count is not readily available, but it is estimated that roughly 10 per cent of the population is gay or ka-toi. The percentage of gay people and ladyboys seems to be significantly higher than in the West – or perhaps, the percentage of those willing to admit to it is higher.
Some argue Thais have a genetic predisposition to homosexuality, others point out the West probably just has more closet cases.
Ladyboys do not have to endure the kind of abuse they would expect on the streets of a typical Western town – such as shouts of “faggot”, death threats, beatings, or homophobic terms baked right into the language they speak. If they get a second look, it’s more likely for the same reason a woman does.
Does that mean there is no homophobia in Thailand?
Unfortunately, no. There are idiots and bigots everywhere, and even the Land of Smiles has its share. Although being homophobic is not something a person would be happy to admit to belligerently and loudly in a bar like a flop-bellied, uneducated half-wit, there are plenty of ways in which ka-tois are treated as second class citizens. For example: which bathroom or changing room do they use? Often they change with the girls, but sometimes they are forced to seek out “ka-toi” bathrooms and changing rooms, of which are much harder to come by than male or female.
Some ka-tois tell stories of incensing their fathers with the news that they sleep with men, and have endured violent reactions.
Job opportunities are few. Despite the wide acceptance of the third sex, getting a job can be extremely difficult, as there are few genuinely gay-friendly companies in Thailand. Consequently, many are forced to go into the sex industry.
However, money is not always necessarily made as a straight up cash-for-sex transaction. Some ka-tois go in for “sugar daddy” work – they work in bars and have a number of boyfriends who send them money each month.
Homophobia is rife throughout the world, therefore the mass tourism in Thailand drags the prejudices of the many to the ka-tois’ doorsteps. Even Googling “How many ladyboys are there in Thailand?” brings up the result, “How much does a ladyboy cost in Thailand?”
Is Thailand the only country to have ladyboys?
No, they are just the most accepting. People in other countries may feel and behave the same way as ka-tois in Thailand, but have to hide it for their own physical and mental safety.
So why do people choose to become ladyboys?
They don’t choose it, at all, any more than I chose to be female or you chose to have eyes.
They are simply not hiding it.
They are what they are.
They’re on the right track, baby, they were born this way…
(Sorry, readers. Why can I never resist?)
Any extra questions? Please feel free to ask them in the comments section.
Anything hateful to say? Please feel free to put it writing and send it to stuffthatneverneedstobesaidever@travelsexlife.com Also feel free to send us videos of you giving yourself a slap.
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9 Comments
Thanks for sharing some facts. I personally cringe every time I see that term. It seems awfully degrading to me, but it seems that the ladyboys themselves don’t have an issue w/the term.
One question, though. Are ALL gays considered to be ladyboys, or just the ones who are more interested in their feminine side (for lack of a better description)?
To answer your question I have to first explain that the concept of ‘gay’ as manly men attracted to other manly men really doesn’t exist outside of the Anglosphere. In fact even here it is a very recent invention (by Sigmund Freud) which has become fashionable for socio-political reasons.
Everywhere else, including Thailand, the definition of ‘gay’ is the desire, on the part of someone born male, to be female,(and, though much more rarely, someone born female to be male.) Now that can take a lot of forms, from being an effeminate fem-boy to being an all out post-operative transsexual woman.
For the overwhelming majority, ‘desiring to be female’ includes ‘desiring to be taken sexually by men,’ specifically, to be their submissive sexual partners. In Thai culture, all of these forms are kathoey, since although they may appear differently they are essentially the same: they want to be girls or at least girly.
Elsewhere in Asia the terms are different, but the meaning is the same. I hope this helps.
BTW the prejudice shown by some Western travellers to these countries, against ladyboys (they all call themselves that) is really unacceptable.
Great article BTW.
Hi Talon,
As I understand it – though if anyone knows better feel free to correct me – a ka-toi is a man who is considered anything “more” than gay – which could be living full-time as a woman and having the sex change, or even as mild as talking or walking “too much” like a woman to be considered male.
As for whether there are many gay men in Thailand who are not considered to be ka-toi, I’m not sure! I will check with my contacts and get back to you.
And I completely understand how the term “ladyboy” would make you flinch – it’s almost like boiling someone down to their private parts alone, isn’t it? Maybe it’s also because in English (and many other languages), mixing things or people with feminine words is usually an insult (“pussy”, “you throw like a girl” etc), as we have sexism (and homophobia) baked right into our language. You’re right though – it isn’t considered offensive in Thailand, it’s a simple adjective-noun. I cringe at the term too which is probably why I said “ka-toi” so much in the article – so I wouldn’t have to type “ladyboy”!
Erica, see my previous, but within Asian culture there are simply NO ‘macho’ or ‘manly’ gay men. The concept just doesn’t exist. You are either a straight man or a ladyboy (if you were born male.) Understand that within these cultures, men who penetrate ladyboys are absolutely NOT considered gay, and it doesn’t matter how ‘passable’ or otherwise the ladyboy is, since it is the act of penetration that defines a straight male. They might get kidded by their peers for their habits if found out, but that’s not the same thing; it would be like having been caught screwing an ill-favoured woman, not a reflection on his masculinity. (My apologies to ladyboys here, I KNOW how gorgeous you can be, it’s just an example.) .
BTW the fact that many kathoey sex workers will penetrate men for money cannot be taken as anything other than a commercial arrangement. Very, very few kathoey will do that in a romantic relationship since it is not a female role.
Hahah, I like this. You’re right I should have done some research before hand. I don’t really mind though. Well actually, on second thought, I’m really in between on this one. They look so nice and tempting but in the end they can’t deliver on the goods.
Hello, I am a transgender male to female, I don’t intend to get genital surgery. I am a bisexual mostly attracted to women, i love women, sexually and romantically for committed and faithful relationship. I heard there’re many translesbian and transbi tgirls like me in western countries, the director of Matrix is an exemple. I read in a blog there’re roughly 8% out of all ladyboys that are bisexuals (therefore attracted to women). Or there’s a culture in Asia that doesn’t allow the existence of gynephilic ladyboys like me?? I’m from Brazil. Sexual orientation and gender identity are separate things.
Transwomen (ladyboys, shemales, trannies, as some people say) are often erroneously labeled as gays, when we know gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Many researchers even say trans people have the same sexual orientations proportions as the cis population. Why this wouldn’t be valid for thai or filipino ladyboys for exemple? I am a bi mostly attracted to women.
Isabelle, what goes in Brazil does not necessarily go elsewhere. I am very familiar with the cultures in both Thailand and the Philippines and I assure you that the overwhelming majority–certainly well over 90%–of Pinay ladyboys consider themselves gay. For them, gender is definitely associated with sexual orientation; indeed I would go further and say that they see gender and sexual orientation as one and the same. They are not ‘labelled’ this way, it is how they see themselves. I know this is unfashionable in many parts of the world, but that is how it is in the RP. In any case, the idea that gender identity has ‘nothing to do with sexual orientation’ is at best hypothetical, and is definitely not supported by the evidence from Asian cultures.
Thailand is a little different since there, kathoey are often considered a third sex, but even here there is a very, very strong correlation between sexual orientation and gender identity on the part of (mtf) kathoey, in that they are overwhelmingly attracted to men.
I would be interested to see who the ‘researchers’ you mention are, because actually there has been almost no research in this field, and instead a very great deal of supposition and conjecture. Do you have some references?
I? should verify with you here. Which is not something I normally do! I enjoy reading a put up that can make folks think. Additionally, thanks for allowing me to remark!